


Man Enough Now

by m_fence



Series: Jonsa Country Series [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breakup, Country Music, F/M, Happy Ending, Makeup, Singer!Jon, teen to adults, teenage love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25497769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_fence/pseuds/m_fence
Summary: Jon and Sansa had been high school sweethearts, completely in love, until Sansa left for University. Four years later, Sansa is home and Jon has something he wants to tell her.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Series: Jonsa Country Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847119
Comments: 13
Kudos: 102





	Man Enough Now

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All! 
> 
> This is based on the song **Man Enough Now by Chris Brandi**
> 
> I highly recommend listening to it as you read, even if country isn't fully your thing, to really get the feel of it!
> 
> I am SO excited about this little oneshot series. I know country music is a niche market for many, but I LOVE it, and this song just gave me all the Jonsa feels!

[ PICSET ](https://meganfence.tumblr.com/post/624572069253922816/man-enough-now)

Sansa watched as Jon tuned his guitar on the little stage, with a single mic, at the corner of the bar. He used to play and sing for her, and she guessed at some point he started singing at bars on open mic nights.

It had been four years since Sansa had been home, four years since she’d been with all their friends at one time. Of course, it looked a little different now. They were older, so it wasn’t chips and beer they stole from their parents in a basement, but a bar that all of them frequented often, apparently.

Sansa had left the summer she graduated high school, needing to leave the North and find herself, find some independence, she had gone to Kings Landing for school, but she graduated and came home.

She missed home.

Robb, Arya, Jeyne, Dacey, Theon, Gendry – they’d all stayed. In the North.

Of course, they had.

Nobody actually _leaves_ the North, no one except Sansa.

He hadn’t left either.

Jon.

God, how she had wanted him to, wanted him to leave with her, not for forever just for a little while, but she wouldn’t have dared ask him to back them. It would have been a mistake though, and she knew that now. They had been so young, and Jon was just not ready, back then she wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready.

They had started dating when she was 16, he was 17.

Kids, really.

Jon was beautiful, popular, broody, quarterback and captain of the football team. More than any of that though, he was kind.

Jon would often spend nights serenading her, singing around the bonfire at parties, god he could all but melt her.

The wood paneled wall of the bar was plastered with photos and polaroid’s, many of them with more than one face she recognizes. She had spent the better part of an hour staring at a polaroid of Jon singing, like a beaming reminder of the man she’d had to leave behind.

“This one is a new song, wrote it a while ago, but I’ve been waiting for the write time to sing it – tonight’s that night” Jon’s deep voice came through the microphone, drawing Sansa’s attention to him as he started to sing.

_I was scared_ _  
I wasn't quite ready yet  
Didn't want to let my freedom get  
Too far away so I would say anything  
To keep you just close enough_

Sansa knew almost instantly who this song was about, she knew Jon. Knew him well enough that the very tone told her. If that didn’t, his eyes piercing into hers certainly did.

Sansa and Jon had just ‘clicked’, Sansa was enamored for years and then one day at a party, when Joffrey the Jerk had broken up with her, he had finally noticed her.

_Sansa was sitting crying, like an idiot, on the curb at the party. She could go in and ask Robb to drive her home but that would be humiliating. She could call her parents to pick her up, but that would be even more humiliating. So, she sat there, like an idiot._

_She had come with Joff, her boyfriend of six months, but when she didn’t want to “put out”, as he had so eloquently put it, he’d broken up with her in front of all their friends and left with Margaery Tyrell._

_“You know the guys an asshole, right?” came the rumble of Jon Snow from behind her._

_Sansa turned to see Jon standing behind her with his hands in his pockets, looking as good as usual. Jon was her brothers’ best friend, a grade older than her, popular, and just a little wild._

_Sansa laughed sarcastically, “yeah, thanks”_

_She knew he meant well enough, but the last thing she needed was to be told she was an idiot, she would have gone to Robb if that were the case. She turned back around when Jon sat down beside her._

_Jon lightly pinched her chin and brought hr gaze back to him._

_“Sansa, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant he’s an asshole to not see what a great thing he had in you,” he said gently._

_His eyes her dark as they stared into hers, normally she would have felt nervous under such scrutiny of someone’s stare, but she couldn’t look away._

_“Thanks,” she whispered sadly, she didn’t feel like a “great thing” right now._

_He cocked his head to the side,_

_“Sansa, any guy that gets pissed because you wont sleep with him doesn’t deserve you, especially not in a random bedroom at a random party.”_

_Sansa tore herself away from Jon’s grip, she knew all of this. She knew Joffrey was a jerk, she knew she did the right thing. Being reminded of it didn’t help her._

_Joffrey was her first kiss, the only guy she’d ever kissed, and she always had this girlish ideal that her first would be her last and even though they hadn’t slept together he was still her first kiss._

_Sansa felt Jon staring at her and when she looked at him it was like he was reading her mind, like he just knew everything she was thinking._

_Gently his hand went to the neck, his thumb running along her jaw, he leaned forward, and he kissed her._

_Shock ran through Sansa quickly, for less than a second before the shock turned to Sansa submitting into the kiss._

_Just as quickly as it started, it ended, and Jon was standing. Sansa sat shocked on the curb, expecting Jon to walk away and chalking it up to a bad mistake before his hand extended down to her._

_Jon gestured towards the road, “come on, I’ll bring you home.”_

That was the start of them, Jon had brought her home and kissed her good night, and Sansa had fallen in love.

_Like I need  
A little space to breathe  
A little time for me to think  
I just need you to wait for me  
But you weren't waitin' for me_

_To grow up, get my shit together  
Givin' you the run around  
Runnin' from forever  
It's too bad, we happened when we did  
'Cause I've learned a lot about life since then_

As great as they were together, they were far from perfect.

Jon was young and craved his independence. He hadn’t had the best childhood growing up but in high school he had finally found his place. A good group of friends, popularity, family. He had it all, and the thought of it all changing or losing it terrified him - although he wouldn’t never admit it.

_Sansa walked over to Jon after school, he was in the parking lot with Theon, Gendry and Dickon. He saw her and smiled, the way he always did._

_“Hey Babe,” he greeted her, kissing her soundly on the lips and throwing his arm around her. He was never nervous about making sure everyone knew they were together._

_“Hi,” Sansa said shyly, she wasn’t shy around Jon, not anymore, but without Robb to run interference his friends always made her feel less confidant. “Are you ready to go?”_

_“Go? Go Where?” Theon piped up, pushing himself up from leaning against Dickon’s truck._

_Sansa ignored Theon and looked to Jon instead, “My house, and then we were going to go to the movies?” She reminded him softly._

_“Man come on! It’s Friday night! There’s a party at Trant’s. Dude’s an ass, but his parties are always fun.” Theon said._

_Jon looked between Sansa and his friends. He knew she wouldn’t go to a party at Meryn Trant’s house, even if she could avoid him, Joffrey would most definitely be there._

_Sansa frowned, this wouldn’t be the first time Jon had ditched her because his friends bugged him about spending time with her and not hanging out with them. She understood the peer pressure, especially for Jon, being the popular guy._

_“San, I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” Jon begged, leaning down to catch her gaze._

_Sansa rolled her eyes and huffed out a sarcastic laugh,_

_“Yeah, Jon. Do whatever you want.”_

_Sansa turned and left, not bothering to turn around when Jon called out to her. Dickon made a “whooshing” sound, which she knew would be accompanied with a whip gesture. This is how they got him, by teasing him about the man code and not ditching your bros for your girl._

_Jon would never cheat on her, it wasn’t even about that and she absolutely believed him when he said he had wanted to spend time with her, he was just so concerned with his friend’s opinions and his independence._

_Sansa quickly wiped a tear from her eye and got in her car, not bothering to give Jon or his friends and second glance, knowing he would call her tomorrow and apologize like he always did, and she would forgive him like she always did._

_I can't go back  
Girl I hate that  
You fell in love with a kid tryna figure it out  
'Cause I'm man enough now_

_I guess it's somethin' that every boys gotta do  
Gettin' so close to lettin' it slip through  
Your fingers yeah  
You gotta learn the hard way_

Sansa watched as Jon sang, there was no denying he was beautiful. She laughed softly into her gin and tonic, he used to always hate it when she said that. _“Could you at least say handsome?”_ he used to grumble.

No.

Jon Snow was beautiful.

Gods, how she’d missed him. Not in the, I’ve thought about him everyday over the last four years kind of way, because she hadn’t. Maybe at first, but eventually she moved on, still Jon had never left he mind completely.

When something really great happened there would be this initial thought of wanting to tell Jon. It didn’t linger, and she no longer let it bother her, but it was always there. Even two months ago at graduation, she had thought about what it would be like for Jon to have been there.

After all this time.

Even more so though, she thought of him on the less than great moments. When she was sad, angry or hurt. That’s when her thoughts on him would linger, he was her comfort – or at least he had been, until he was the one hurting her.

_Once you do you start to look back on  
All the things that you  
Shoulda, woulda, coulda done  
Bet you never thought that I would_

_Grow up, get my shit together  
Stop givin' you the run around  
Runnin' from forever  
It's too bad, we happened when we did  
'Cause I've learned a lot about life since then_

_It was the week before school ended, the week before Sansa would finally graduate. She was leaving for University in King’s Landing at the end of the summer, most of her friends were staying in the North, Jon and Robb were both at Torrehen’s Square._

_Most people stayed – Sansa needed to leave._

_Not for forever, she was sure she’d come home, but she just needed to go and experience life outside of the North._

_She knew it would be hard on her and Jon, the long-distance thing, it would suck some days, but she really thought they could do it._

_At least, she had._

_It had been 3 days since she’d heard from him, they had gotten in some stupid little argument over something she wasn’t even sure of anymore because it had just manifested itself into something completely different._

_She wasn’t expecting a crazy commitment from Jon, but she had been pushing a little bit more for him to give her something, anything, so she knew they would last. Some days she came first to Jon, other times it was his friends and that was fine, but she’d be gone, and she needed to know that when he committed to seeing her, he would be there._

_It was the only way long distance would work._

_Sansa had come home early from school, her last class was a spare and cheer practice had been cancelled. She had just walked in the front door when she heard Robb and Jon talking in the kitchen._

_“Fuck man, I don’t know. I love Sansa, you know I do, but I finally found my place – here. I can’t leave it.” Jon told Robb._

_“Has she asked you too? To leave?” Robb asked him, Sansa held her breathe knowing she had never and would never ask that of Jon._

_She heard Jon sigh, and could picture him running his hands through his hair like he did when he was frustrated._

_“No, she hasn’t but eventually, I don’t know she’s going to want more. Of course, she is.”_

_Sansa stood quietly in the hall listening, maybe she shouldn’t have, maybe she should leave or interrupt, but she stayed silent._

_“Okay, and you don’t want more?” Robb asked, Sansa could hear the pull in his voice. Jon was his best friend, but she was his sister._

_“Yes, I think. Yeah, no, I do. I just, fuck I need my independence. I need some time to just breathe and figure shit out. I’m not Sansa, you know. She’s got it all figured out.”_

_Sansa blinked away the tears welling up in her eyes._

_“So, what’s gonna happen when she leaves in 2 months?” Robb asked._

_“I don’t know.”_

_Crushed, and completely confused, Sansa slowly made her way out the front door in which she had just come, wondering all the while how she hadn’t seen this before._

_I can't go back  
Girl I hate that  
You fell in love with a kid tryna figure it out  
'Cause I'm man enough_

_To push my pride out of the way  
Make a girl like you wanna stay  
It took a while for me to come around  
But I am  
Man enough now_

The breakup had been hard, plain and simple it was still one the most painful things Sansa had ever been through. Made worse by the fact that she still had a month at home, after they called it quits, before she was leaving for school.

She thinks about that night often, and of her many regrets about it, one of them was wishing she could have held off a little longer, waited until she could have just left right away – but at the time, she was young and hopeful that the outcome of that night would’ve been different.

_It was Dickon’s annual August long weekend party, he had been having these every August since they were much younger, since his parents always spent it at The Reach. It was the biggest party of the year, and it felt like every tee from Winterfell was there tonight._

_Sansa never asked Jon about what she’d heard in the kitchen a month ago, he never brought it up and he was spending more time with her. She childishly believed that was because he had figured it out, and the outcome for them was positive._

_What she had chose to ignore up until tonight, mostly out of fear, was how they had almost completely stopped talking about her leaving. The subject all but vanished from their conversations and she hadn’t pushed – she should’ve._

_Earlier tonight Dickon had mentioned how his girlfriend was heading off to the Reach for school. He told their friends about their plans with ease, how they planned to make it work, how he’d miss her._

_Sansa was pissed._

_Not only had Jon said nothing, just sat there drinking his beer with a sullen look in his face, but it was freaking Dickon – one of the main contributors to Jon’s ‘Bro Code’ issues and yet somehow even he managed to get it together for the right girl._

_Sansa had tried to let it go for the night, deciding to talk with Jon about it tomorrow like a responsible adult, until she’d drank one too many White Claws and angrily watched Jon all night with his friends._

_He caught her eye and smiled, that dopey side grin that always brought her to her knees, he walked over to her and pulled her in for a hug._

_He was drinking, and tipsy, but not drunk._

_He cupped her face and kissed her,_

_“I’m going to miss you, you know”_

_Three hours ago, that would have been all Sansa needed to hear, just that little dose of something for her to believe it all would be okay. But now? Now it just hurt._

_Sansa scoffed, “right.” She pushed away from him to go inside, she wanted to call a cab – she wanted to go home._

_Jon grabbed her arm, not forcefully, but enough that she had to turn back and look at him. She instantly saw Robb, Arya, Theon and Jeyne notice. Sansa and Jon never fought, not like this._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jon snapped._

_“I just can’t help but wonder, Jon. Are you actually going to try and make this work, or is the fear of me potentially one day asking more of you than the tiny part of you I ask for now, going to have you calling it quits.” Sansa snapped back, though quieter than he had._

_“That’s not fair,” he said._

_Sansa felt crushed by his answer or lack there of._

_“No, maybe it’s not fair, but that wasn’t an answer either.” Sansa said, softer this time, more defeated._

_“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sansa. I’ve always needed my time, my space, my freedom. I thought you knew that.” Jon barked, but even though she was angry she saw the struggle in his eyes._

_Robb made his way over to them and laid a hand on Jon’s shoulder, his back to Sansa and stepped slightly in between then._

_“Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now,” he whispered to Jon, stealing a look at Sansa. He was telling them to wait, he knew the environment that they were having this fight, the emotions, it wasn’t the right time._

_Sansa didn’t care, she was too hurt to care. Besides, if there was one thing Jon was usually an expert at, it was words, and she didn’t want to give him time to come up with some expertly crafted monologue that didn’t provide her any answers._

_Sansa softly pushed Robb out of the way._

_“I’m not asking for a god damn ring, Jon. Stop treating me like I’m asking something unheard of from you but I need something more than what we have right now, because I make concessions right now, and I can’t make those when we will barely see each other.” Sansa tried to hold his gaze, she needed him to see her. She wasn’t asking for him to give her much, but she needed something._

_What he gave her wasn’t it._

_“What’s wrong with what you have right now?” he asked sadly._

_He didn’t break up with her, he didn’t offer her less, but he couldn’t offer her more of himself._

_Sansa needed more._

_After two years, and with a huge distance being put between them, she needed him to give her a little more._

_“Goodbye, Jon.”_

_Sansa walked halfway home before Robb finally caught up with her, too drunk to drive, so they walked home together._

_Jon called her the next day, like he always did after a fight, she didn’t answer. He called her every day for five days, until the calls stopped._

_That’s what she was worth to him, five days._

_I grew up_ _  
Got it all together  
I stopped runnin' from forever  
It's too bad we happened when we did  
'Cause I've learned a lot about life since then_

Of course, Sansa was older now. She knew better.

Over the years, Robb and her friends had shared bits and pieces with her. What it was like that first month, what Jon was like when she’d left.

Jon hadn’t wanted to stop calling, but Robb told him he should. He’d been there with Sansa for a lot of it, he brought her ice cream and watched stupid girl movies with her as she cried, but she also knew he wasn’t always home and part of her always knew when he was with Jon.

Years later, she’d finally ask Robb about it, why Jon was so scared to give more. He told her Jon didn’t have all the answers, but that his biggest regret was just being too young to understand there was a life beyond 20. At the time his friends, freedom, independence was all so important to him, that he was scared that by giving Sansa more he had to give himself less.

_“He was just a stupid kid, Sans. It took him a little bit, but losing you is one of his biggest regrets,”_

Sansa often thought about time, and how the sheer existence of it changed everything. Jon wasn’t ready back then and listening to this song proved that he knew he wasn’t ready.

_I can't go back_ _  
Girl I hate that  
You fell in love with a kid tryna figure it out  
So if one more chance is somethin' that you ever think about  
I'm man enough now  
Ooh oh. (enough now)_

Sansa looked up from her drink at the last chorus, immediately she locked eyes with Jon who was staring at her.

He wasn’t ready four years ago, but Sansa was sure of one thing, surer than she had been about anything in a very long time.

He may not have been ready then.

But he was sure as hell ready now.

She smiled at him, the kind of smile that made her cheeks hurt.

She watched the happiness sweep over his face, the realization that she had heard every word he was singing to her, that she had known everything he was trying to say.

That she loved him still.

That she’d missed him.

He smiled back at her, that dopey grin that made her knees go weak, and winked.

Sansa laughed.

_Four years, and the boy still couldn’t wink._

**Author's Note:**

> I already have 2 more oneshots I want to write of their little relationship!
> 
> I hope ya'll enjoyed this one with me!
> 
> Tumblr - meganfence


End file.
